After the family’s first two girls, I am the third kid. Some of my family members prayed to God for the third child to be a boy, which shows the prevalent Gender inequality, but I let them down and even brought my grandma to tears by coming into the world as a girl. I became an independent adult as I grew older. My sisters and I are very responsible and always take care of everyone in the family. We performed household chores, went to the bank to complete the necessary work, climbed a ladder to retrieve items from a loft, drove through the night, moved the cylinders to the kitchen, supported the family in times of need, obtained the items the family desires, and turned down marriage proposals that demanded dowries and large, extravagant weddings.
Still, after all these, I overhear my family while speaking to a neighbour/relative “You are lucky enough, you have a son,” The words put me through so many questions for which I never had answers. “What does a son do better than a daughter? Will he use Abracadabra to fulfil family needs, or will he leap onto the loft like Spider-Man without a ladder? Why will sons always hold a special place in their hearts?”
These words are straight from the heart of a young woman in her twenties who is well-educated and has a cushy corporate job. Her parents, too, are well educated and belong to the so-called high-class society of India. This is a well-suited example of gender inequality in Indian households.
Here is another example: A woman in her early thirties reports how her daughter was taught to address her mum and dad differently. Her 5-year-old daughter was trained by her grandparents about how she should address her parents. “Call your mom as ‘amma’ (mother in Telugu), address your dad as ‘nannagaru’ (Respected father in Telugu). The lady, who was an engineering graduate and worked in Europe before her marriage, was NOT ALLOWED to work after marriage. Several happenings in the family forced the lady to accept her place, and now, she stays there, with a hope that her daughter doesn’t face the same fate as hers due to gender inequality. She is now ready to fight for her daughter’s freedom.
My friend was married into a so-called high-class family who are at the top of the economic and social ladder. Her in-laws were ‘broad-minded’ and welcoming. When my friend was carrying a baby, her father-in-law said “I pray that it should be a boy”. My friend asked, “Why? We are equally taking care of our parents, working and earning, as well as fulfilling our parents’ wishes just like boys! Why is the preference still for a boy child?” He said, “If you are planning two kids, then one can be a girl. But as you want just one kid, preference is for a boy. If a girl is born, we will welcome, no problem. But we prefer a boy”. Excuse me? If a girl is born, you will welcome? How big your heart should be to do such a divine act! Wow! If an educated and highly acclaimed man speaks like this, then what can we expect of anyone else? The same man worships Devi Ma everyday. What an irony and a great example of gender inequality!
Ours, a family well-established financially and socially, a family that receives respect for so many reasons, a family that calls itself “sophisticated and high class”, has a lot of gender inequality stories that silently creep into our pillows. People look at the members of our family as those with ‘forward thinking’ and ‘lucky’ to have assets passed down to us from generations. But inside the walls of our ‘royal’ house, there are gender differences that create needling pain in my heart – says a woman in her thirties.
It’s the mother who has to take care of the baby night and day, it’s the mother who does the cleaning, nursing and everything that the baby needs. But, the rituals are so well planned that they prioritise men. It’s the father who names the baby in the naming ceremony, it’s the father who feeds the baby first in the rice ceremony, and it’s the father/men who should conduct the baby’s first hair tonsuring ritual. Thanks to the men for taking all the credits. Before hailing the greatness of a mother, I think people should introspect if mothers/women are really valued.
What about celebrities – movie actors, business people, politicians and those in the higher strata of society? Right from passing down the businesses to sons, paying men more than women in the entertainment industry and displaying the names of men first on the casting list to men driving women from behind in their political journeys – gender differences are clearly visible in every stage.
Why Are There Gender Differences Even in High-Class Society?
Gender differences don’t leave any section of society untouched. They sweep into every start silently and dictate people’s lives. If illiteracy and poverty are the reasons for treating women with indifference, then why are gender differences prevalent in high-class societies where there’s immense wealth, prosperity, social strata, economic and political standing along with notable rates of higher education?
The Deep-Rooted Patriarchy:
One of the most undeniable reasons is the patriarchy. Indian society honours men and prioritises boys over girls. Still, after decades of independence, the same ideology continues in the majority of households. Even with the rise in industrialisation, urbanisation, education and empowerment, there seems to be no change in the mindsets of people. The cultural and social conventions in Indian society expect women to be obedient to men. The patriarchal setup is rooted so deep that no one knows the answers to why it is so.
Ignorance and Fatuity are behind gender inequality:
Most of the women are unaware of their rights. This is where men find it easy to exert their dominance and power over women. Women are showered religiously with rules and ideals of how to behave and obey the male members of the family and society. Women’s ignorance of their rights is the main reason for the inequalities. If women know their rights and limitations, they tend to decide for themselves and their lives, eventually helping other women stand for themselves. If not, they continue to believe what was being forced upon them for centuries now.
The Indian Mindset about gender inequality:
I don’t know which culture asked men to let women down, but the majority of Indians cite Indian traditions, culture, customs and beliefs to practice inequalities in gender. Priority for a son over daughter is a clear example of this. Right from social, political, economic and religious considerations to educational and professional preferences, sons are valued more than daughters, be it in rural communities or urban societies.
As long as women don’t stop believing what’s been told to them for centuries, things wouldn’t change for good. As long as women believe that they need men to complete them, things won’t turn for the better. As long as women don’t feel the need for self-respect and identity, their lives won’t take a better shape. It’s all in the hands of women. If you are the victim, you should fight. No one else would.
