“Mom! Dad! You don’t know anything!” “Why can’t you ever listen to me?” “When will you even try and understand my problems?” “Oh! You’ll never appreciate me!” “I just hate you so much!” Does anyone or all these dialogues sound familiar? A family of parents with grown-up kids will surely relate to these dialogues. Nowadays parents are having less bonding time with their kids and they are anxious to find out reasons that why their kids are full of rage and throw tantrums all the time. Arguments, attitude hassles, fits of rage, rude conversations and disagreements are a part & parcel of having adolescent kids at home, while parents always want to inculcate moral life lessons in them. But is this kind of behavior of these young ones acceptable? How are parents okay with such horrendous words? How are kids fine being estranged from their parents? Are you as parents or kids are alienated and silently suffering? Here is an article describing various reasons why your kids hate you.
Often in our society, kid’s doings are perceived to be the parent’s image. If the kid is righteous with impeccable social skills, parents are given kudos for their level of commitment and involvement in the child’s upbringing. And if the kid is just rebellious and loves to stay aloof or worst case scenario, is disrespectful and disobedient, then parents are blamed extensively. Is this right? Is it just a parent’s accountability or achievement? Why can’t only the child be judged as for his actions? Always, remember: Your bad relationship with kids isn’t equal to your bad parenting skills.
“Don’t let a bad childrearing moment make you feel like you are a bad parent. Pause and remember that if you can actually recognize a bad moment, you have already taken the most important step towards making it better.” Most of the parents blame themselves and their teachings. No! You didn’t do anything wrong, don’t count the child’s misgivings as your bad outcome. Teach them what ought to be taught and let them fight their own battles. Be around to coax them after battle injuries and never let them be afraid of failure and give up.
Responsibility and authority can’t be mixed
Parents should realize that their agenda as caregivers is to foster a child, teach them how to judge between good and bad, how to be a credible citizen and take a uniformed decision about anything. The bad decisions taken up by the kid isn’t their fault. You can teach your kid to be responsible but you can be authoritative and start running their lives as per your wish. In short, the kid is your responsibility legally but
not your legal property who is forced to obey you. Now, let’s try and list out what things exactly make your kid hate you! There can be just one or more than one reason. The idea behind this listings is that a parent should know of his shortcomings and be open to acknowledge and change to have a great bonding with their children now and in future too:
10 reasons why your kids hate you:
Too much involvement
Parents often forget that a child needs guidance and support always but they can’t be poking their nose in kids matter forever. Grown-up kids feel that their life is of their own. They don’t like any unnecessary nosiness and meddlesomeness. Parents should tell the kids their limits, and let them leap and take their chances. You can’t be privy to each and every secret or talk, accept it. If the kid wants to tell you something, be always available but don’t go interrogating them always about their friends and stuff. Asking is one thing and questioning is one!
Often it’s said that parents who are way too strict definitely have rogue kids. I so agree with this fact. Well let’s think of it this way – anyone who is bound in tight chains is very likely to attempt, again and again, to break free. I’m not saying to be absolutely carefree and easy-going with the kids but be strict in moderation. Sternness to a certain extent is acceptable and is an attribute of good parenting. But cold and strict along with a lack of affection and care isn’t the right or justified way.
Parents can’t be a know-it-all or just right always
Yes, I agree, parents have more experience and exposure to various things than their children. But does with the experience, comes the right of being always correct?! No! Parents can be wrong sometimes too and they should have the capability to accept it without taking it on their ego. Most parents say that –“We, as parents, are always right. Don’t teach us!” Today’s generation knows about almost everything. They are walking encyclopedias courtesy the technological advancements. So be happy if your child knows something that you don’t, appreciate
and learn from them. Once your ego is out the door, the bond will your children will definitely improve.
Too rigid and not at all flexible, still on with outdated rules
There is a large generation gap between parents and kids. Let me give you a simple example of what generation gap is – In an argument whatever parents call talking back, kids call it explaining! I believe that what everyone calls generation gap is actually a result of interaction gap. And moreover today’s iGen, generation Alpha, want to live their life on their own rules. Whereas, the parents expect them to follow what they did. That is just not possible. The way of doing things has to change from an era to era. Parents should not impose their outdated rules on the kids and kids should take advice and try and follow as much as they can. Eventually, one should always remember that all generations have similar values and notions; they just act and express them differently.
You don’t respect your kid’s boundaries
Each and every person needs their set boundaries. As much as you love your solitary cocoon so does your child. Let the child be and respect their rules too. Your job as a parent is to be available “behind” your children always so as to not let them fall hard on the ground and be able to catch them before they do. Be their supporter, be their strength and be their go-to person. And this is possible only when you respect their boundaries. Keep the secrecy of their secrets, their diaries, and their stuff. Let them see you being around and let them come to you with their problems.
You compare them with others
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” This six-word sentence by Theodore Roosevelt sums up my next point so accurately. Parents have this habit of comparing their child to other kids and even to unfathomable levels of a perfect child. Assessing your child as per others isn’t the correct evaluation ever. Each child is different and there is the reality of a perfect child is a farce. Everyone has shortcomings, and not everyone is an over-achiever. Don’t fall in the trap of comparison. Instead, know your child’s characteristics and qualities and appreciate them, however peculiar they are to you. Accept the fact that each child is blessed with uniqueness and they inculcate it in their own way.
You choose and play favoritism among siblings
If the house is a home to siblings, then generally the chances of one being vile towards his parents is very high. Parents, unknowingly or knowingly have this habit for comparing siblings and turn judgemental, usually, they end up choosing a favorite too. Believe me! That’s the worst hit for your child’s ego and self-confidence. Not only you have left him unattended and uncared, but also you have chosen the other one as your favorite. This is one of the main reasons why your kids hate you and their siblings. Well, parents should praise each child individually for what that child is. As parents, we can see through our kid’s capabilities and individualities then why don’t we appreciate them similarly, as on ground zero. No disparity and no filthy play of favoritism among their own children should now on be each and every sane parent’s motto. Keep all your children at the same level. Don’t differentiate between their care, love, needs, wants, responsibilities or, at large, anything at all.
You don’t apologize at all
Just because you are a parent or an elder caregiver, that doesn’t give you the luxury to commit mistakes and escape without apologizing. Before you do any such audacious moves, always remember that your children are actually what you are, your exact replicas. They take you as their role model and learn and copy things accordingly. If you don’t have the audacity to apologize after a mistake, very likely your child won’t too. This is the start of wrong teaching. Be an example. Even if you have to apologize to your child for some valid reason, please do so. Not only will this aspect help you in groom your child but will also teach him to admit their mistakes and apologize. Moreover, it’ll help to fortify your relationship too.
Not being a good listener
A child other than a set of guiding parents sometimes needs a considerate friend in their parents too. Another attribute of good parenting is being a good listener to your kids. Try and be open with your children, listens to their cribs, gossips, and problems without being judgemental. Children, many times, need a support system or a person who can just sit and listen to them venting out, be around for them in such scenarios. Many a time, we parents try and fool kids, keep doing our work or be on the phone while we pretend to listen to the children. Don’t do that. Give your undivided attention. Always remember that a child seldom needs good talking but always needs good listening. Not being a good listener can be one of the reasons why your kids hate you.
Always saying “NO” or Never saying “NO”
There is no right amount that can justify how many times or when you can or can’t say NO to your child. Whether it’s a strict parent who says NO at every instance or a carefree parent who never says NO, both extremes are bad. Children need a balance, certain set of ground rules and the ability to conduct and take decisions themselves. Balance is not something you find, it’s something you create.
Money can’t buy a child’s affection
These words stand so true- “Your children need your presence more than your presents.” A child can sense when he’s being considered important and when not. Give your child time and your undivided attention. To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today. Play with them, go out for hikes, movies, simply have a game night or strike a conversation with them and find out the reason why your kids hate you. Spread sufficient time with them. It is very important for them to know that details about their friends, lives, and problems are vital to you. Hope these reasons would help you in finding and solving issues about your relationship with your kids. One more thing, treat the child as though he already is the person he’s capable of becoming and as a parent we just need to know that we can’t child-proof the world, but we can world-proof the child. Above are a few reasons why your kids hate you. To remove them, give in your time and energy in molding your children and let them take the step in the world.
“If you have never been hated by your child, you’ve never ever really been a parent.” – Bette Davis
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